Stages of Grief

There are different stages of grief a person who has experienced a loss can expect to go through. The main stages were defined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and are: 1) Denial, 2) Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, and 5) Acceptance. Some stages that have been added, although not officially can include: shock/disbelief, guilt, numbness, disorganization and reorganization. These stages will be experienced in a very non-specific order, but most of these feelings will be seen. These stages have been developed as a tool to help people who deal with those who are grieving and also help those who are grieving. Kind of like a way to say, "what you are feeling is okay and perfectly normal". The problem being, nobody grieves in the same way as everyone else.

Why bring this up? I am trying to figure out which stage I am in and how soon I can expect my life to return to normalcy. When can I start my day without a huge burden of sadness and when can I close my eyes at night without visions of hospitals and death. Some normalcy has returned simply because life has to keep going on. Somehow I feel guilty for the normalcy, yet comforted by the fact that I won't be sad forever. I don't want to loose those random thoughts and memories that crop up during the day and night, however, I have to find peace with the situation and what happened. How can someone find peace with a situation completely out of their control?

Nesting...the phenonmenon

Nesting is something which happens to women who are pregnant. The main goal is to ready the house and your life for the arrival of the new baby. This is carried out through various tasks which usually are ridiculous but seem important at this exact moment in time. It's like a compulsion, something beyond your control. Well, I am nesting. My main goal...to steam clean all the carpets in the house, move all the furniture, organize closets and finish decorating the nursery. Of course my memory is shot so I now have lists all over the house of things which I need to do. Since I am slightly smaller than a house right now there is no way I can accomplish all these tasks alone...enter the husband.

Husbands do not enjoy the nesting process. They have no need to prepare for a child, that's what the mother is for. They do, however, get to participate simply out of necessity. The quiet weekends enjoyed by my husband are gone, replaced by lists and elaborate cleaning plans. Rest assured his back will hurt by the time the day is done and he will be the one running up and down the stairs, not me. I am lucky enough to have a husband who doesn't complain about my plans or schemes, he simply comes along for the ride....never asking questions. Perhaps because he is afraid of an emotional breakdown...perhaps he is afraid my stubbornness will make sure the task is done with or without him...or perhaps he is just a great guy. I'm voting for just being a great guy.

So as the nesting continues for the next couple weeks my house will be cleaned from top to bottom. My closets will be cleaned and neatly organized. The carpets will sparkle, all to be ready for a child who will never know any of this happened. Silly? Maybe, but like I said, it has to happen.