Strength

Sometimes it is amazing what people can endure and still continue to go about life while others seem to fade almost immediately. The strength inside a person is not about physical strength, but more about mental and spiritual strength. Being strong doesn't take just oneself, it takes the ability to know when you need help to continue on. Asking for help is one of the hardest things to do and many people view it as a sign of weakness, yet really only the strong have the ability to ask for help. I've always considered myself a pretty strong person. I have the ability to compartmentalize situations and deal with them individually. I have the ability to stay clear of confusing emotions and focus on what is going on and what I need to do. Lately though, I find myself relying more on others than on myself.

These past few months have been some of the most difficult in my life. The loss of a friend shook me more than I ever thought possible. The words left unspoken have been difficult to deal with and full of regret. What if I had sent that email or made that phone call, would things have been better? If I had let my feelings known would the outcome have been different? I know I tried, but did I try hard enough? We talk about him all the time at work, yet in almost reluctance to bring up a difficult subject. We shelter each other and protect each other's feelings like the precious object they are. When does this safety net disappear?

I am blessed with a core group of friends who are my strength. They are my sounding board and conscience. I know that they understand my feelings because they are having the same feelings. Somehow there is comfort in not being alone with your suffering. I am also blessed to have met two of the most wonderful people in the world...Nick's parents. They are a source of strength and inspiration. To see them deal with their pain and still be available to those of us who aren't dealing makes me stronger. Their willingness to share memories and emotions with people they really don't know is amazing. I don't know if any of us, myself especially, could have made it through the last 2 months without knowing them.

Strength isn't about how you act or what you feel, it is about who you have around you to help you and who you turn too. Strength is the ability to say that you need help and then accepting what is given to you.

A pregnancy sucks blog

Women will tell you that pregnancy is the most wonderful time of their life. They never felt better, had more energy or appreciated life more. I have to think something happens to women once they have a child and all the real pregnancy memories disappear. If that didn't happen, none of us would be here now. The reality is that pregnancy is designed to torture your body and your mind. Not only do you feel pain in places you never new could hurt, but all those regular places now hurt 100% more. Eating is a joy until you are done and the indigestion sets in to the point you might as well just vomit. The weight gain is enough to make anyone throw away all mirrors, after all, you don't recognize yourself anymore. Of course we can go into the wardrobe options...all 3 shirts which fit and no I'm not buying more in this size. The fatigue is unlike anything I have ever experienced.

Maybe I will see this precious baby's face and forget all about the mental and physical pain, I hope so. Right now, pregnancy is not fun and with 6 weeks left to go I am dreaming of an ice cold Corona (which no doubt will go right through me since my bladder is the size of a walnut). So that is the pregnancy experience from the viewpoint of someone who has yet to see the end result.