The Ford

The saga that has been a great Ford adventure is coming to an end. We are buying a new Honda CR-V and getting rid of the Ford. Part of me is so relieve to not have to worry about what is going to break next and part of me is a little nostalgic. This is the last piece of NC that we have, the truck was bought in NC right before we left. It was bought for our travel adventures and certainly did a good job of getting us to several states. The Ford represents the adventurous part of our lives that really didn't care what was going on...we were going to have fun. Now that we are settled down again and gas prices are running close to $3.00/gallon we need to downsize a little. Still, there is a little sadness that this part of our lives is over. On the other hand, who knows what will happen next.

My horoscope...

"There is electricity in the air -- the kind that makes your hair stand on end. But it isn't fear that you are feeling; it's the anticipation of what is possible. Still, you are your own greatest obstacle to happiness. Even if you do something crazy now as a distraction, you must come back to face yourself soon enough."

This was my horoscope for Sunday. I find it odd how sometimes the horoscope can be so accurate to what is going on in life. I don't really believe them, I find them to be more amusing than anything. Every now and then one will catch me so off guard that I actually listen to the advice. This was one of those 'in your face' horoscopes.

So of course I have anticipation as I am quickly approaching less than one week to my birthday. There is a lot going on this week, most of it I am excited about. I get to see family, friends and spend some quality time with both. I have already decided that this is not going to be a crazy birthday, things are going to be calm and easygoing (unlike some of my past birthdays).

So my biggest obstacle to happiness? The inability to recognize the gift I have been given to live such a wonderful life and be turning 30. How many wonderful people have had their life cut short long before they got to see this milestone? It is a blessing that I am trying hard to realize and be thankful for, I'm sure I will get there but in the meantime I will continue to whine.

10 days.......

10 days until the big birthday. This is my last 10 days when I can say I am in my 20's. My last 10 days to still be part of that elite group of people. Soon I will be in a different category all together. No more 25-29 category for me, I will have to check a different box. In 10 days my first official adult year starts. It will be a sad day. My parents are coming into town to celebrate with me. The plans are a party on Saturday night, very low-key and casual....spa day for the girls on Sunday...then on "the day" I will be at Easton drinking martinis and doing whatever I want, because I can. I'm going to eat all the fattening food I can and not exercise, because I can.

Birthdays have always been a big deal in my family. We celebrate the day before, day off and day after...every birthday was a 3 day event. Of course I am starting a little earlier this year but there will be no celebration the day after so it doesn't count. I have time off from work so my co-workers won't see me cry when the clock strikes midnight.

I had a patient who told me not to worry about turning 30, this was the best decade of her life. No, I don't go around telling my patients my business, this patient was special. She said when you turn 30 you have a good idea of who you are and where you want to be. You don't have to spend anymore time trying to prove yourself or figure out who you are. There is a calmness about being 30 and a sense of purpose. I hope she is right, in fact I am counting on it.

At least I still get carded when I buy a drink, I'll hold onto that for now.

The obituaries

One of the hard things about hospital nursing is not having closure with your patients. You never really know if they do well and live normal lives or if they do poorly and live short lives. Sometimes our patients come back in to see us and we always take pictures of them to post on the board, sort of like a reminder of why we work so hard.

We had a patient last year that we had all signed off on, she wasn't going to make it no matter what we did. Thankfully the family didn't give up and today she is home taking care of her 3 children. She is our miracle and she is the person we measure everyone else against. Anytime we start feeling like the situation is hopeless we always remember her, miracles do happen.

The only way for us to get closure, if the patient doesn't make a return visit, is to read the obituaries. It is a morbid thing to do but hardly a week goes by that I don't see a name in the paper I recognize and remember. Today was one of those days. I knew the patient was going to die, there was no way to save this patient but still, seeing the name on that page is so sad. I feel for the family and his friends. Life can be so cruel sometimes.

So I read the obituaries on a daily basis to check for the names of people I have cared for, hoping I don't see anyone I recognize. Hoping that I have done some good in their lives whether I see their name or not.

Nick Lachey

VH-1 played the Nick Lachey story the other day and of course I couldn't turn it off. I like Nick Lachey, I think he would be a fun person to hang out with. I think Jessica Simpson is a fool for letting him go but of course I wasn't there for their marriage and all that went on. Rumors are hard to deal with, I think you have to have a certain maturity level and I don't think she had it. The radio plays his new song non-stop and hers is horrible...I think that is sweet revenge.

His song is a little frustrating though. Can someone really consider themselves to be half the person they were just because of a break-up? How much does your spouse or significant other define who you are? Do we lose touch with ourselves just because we are in a relationship? I am not the same person I was when Pete and I met but a certain amount of that growing has been maturing. If something happened between Pete and I it would be devastating and horrible, I would still be the same person.

Maybe the song is talking about the lack of trust you have after a break-up and that lack of trust is what makes you half the person you were. I can see that, a break-up after someone lies to you would be horrible. I've lost some friends after they lied to me and it is an emotionally exhausting thing but you are still the same person. So I guess I don't know what he is talking about with that song but I sincerely hope that Jessica Simpson did not make him half the person he was.

My pregnant friends

All of my friends are pregnant now. Well, the ones that don't have children already are pregnant. If they aren't pregnant they are trying to get pregnant. Used to be that there was a strong hold on having kids, no one was having kids. I don't know what changed but obviously no one asked me. I am very happy for my pregnant friends and I wish them the best pregnancy and the healthiest child. I can't help but be selfish and moarn the loss of the non-maternal life we all shared. No more martinis at Bon Vie watching people shop. No more dancing dowtown until 2am just because we can. No more road trips or spontaneous shopping trips. No more glasses of wine because we "earned it". All the talk now is focused on pregnancy...the joys and pain. I know more about being pregnant now than I ever have wanted to know. Suddenly planning shopping trips or the latest Coach purse aren't important anymore. No more trips into Nordstrom's, we are going to Motherhood Maternity. I am scared for myself. I guess I am about to get a lot more nieces I can spoil and send back.

Our niece

We have had our niece at our house for one week now. It has been an eye-opening experience. Children are a huge disruption to your life, especially when they are not your own or you are not used to having them around. This is the first time Pete and I have ever been responsible for a child, especially for this long. Thank goodness she was family and that she was already slightly neurotic before she got here. I don't think we ruined her.

So in the last 7 days I have learned a lot about kids and a lot about myself. The lessons about myself I already knew deep inside but was in denial; the lessons about children were a real eye-opener.

So the major lesson I learned about myself is that I am a control freak, which I knew already. What I didn't know is how much of a control freak I was...it is bad. So one of the lessons I learned is that you can't control much when you have a child around unless you want a fight. The fight just isn't worth it most of the time. So you have to bend what you want and not control everything they do.

Second lesson; kids can do everything..or they think they can. They don't need help, they don't want help and they already know the answer. The independence and confidence is amazing in these small people. Of course most of the time they are wrong but they will come up with a story to make themselves look right.

Third lesson; kids can never have enough stuff. It doesn't matter what you spend on lunch, admission, souvenirs...they always want more stuff. They also have no problem with you spending more money on whatever they want. Money is no object.

Fourth lesson; kids will do whatever they have to in order to get what they want. This usually involves crying, screaming, pouting and stomping feet. What my niece didn't realize but soon learned is that this behavior doesn't embarress me, it annoys me and I ignore it.

Fifth lesson; the simplest things make kids happy. For example, we had a great day planned at the zoo, we ate at the zoo, visited with family, saw all the animals. All she talked about was playing on the play-gym in the middle of the zoo. The one thing she can do in any city in any state.

Sixth lesson; all of life's complex decision can be made with a simple eeny meeny miny moe. There is no stress this way, it is decided by fate and rhyme.

Now that she had gone home and I have returned from the trip back home our nice, normal, quiet life has returned. It feels good to have things back to normal...just Pete and I.