New subjects

I'm going to try something new and post both something on my mind and something happy. I realized my blogs have not been the most uplifting reading lately so I promise to post one happy thing after my short soapbox ranting...

I've noticed a disturbing trend of people disappearing. I don't mean "amber alert" disappearing, I mean disappearing from people's lives. What makes people think this is okay? Perhaps they do not consider the people left behind who can only wonder what happened? Are they okay? Are the alive? Do they need help? Are they mad?....the list goes on and on. It is rude and disrespectful to the people who thought they were your friends. Disappearing is essentially telling someone they don't matter and never did.

Now my happy post...My cat has not peed on the rug in the kitchen for 4 days. It is a huge deal and cost a lot of money to find out there was nothing wrong with him. I am thrilled this phase of our life is over , hopefully we can now move on to better things.

Fixers

I'm a fixer, like it or not. If someone brings me a problem I fix it, or try real hard. I stew over the problem until a solution is known; sometimes I have even lost sleep over other people's problems. I am glad to be a fixer of problems which is probably why I went into the medical field. No problem is too large or small for me to try and fix (although I may never be successful).
The worst problem to try and fix is the unfixable because in my mind that just does not exist. There is always a solution, we just need to look hard enough. Even worse than the unfixable problem is the friend's unfixable problem. Impossible to ignore and hopeless to fix. Although I still take these problems on against my better judgement.
Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends". Well no one can ever say that I have been silent.

Shopping Carts

Behold the shopping cart, important for carrying around our purchases and people's children. Some are plastic, some are metal, and some are always stuck together. During the holidays, there are never enough. The main purpose of the shopping cart is too assist the shopper in hauling their purchases to the checkout and then to their car. In return, the shopper is expected to thank the shopping cart by returning it to the cart return area or back inside the store. Unfortunately, this does not happen.

I ran to my local grocery store a few weeks ago during a rain storm and was the unfortunate victim of an unhappy and disrespected shopping cart. My poor car took the brunt of the anger, mostly undeserved. Now, I understand that it was raining and the person who chose that cart did not want to get wet, however, I did not want to have my passenger mirror removed from my car either. After careful consideration (once I had calmed down) I now realize that the $150 I paid in repairs was a small price to pay for a complete stranger to stay dry.

My car is now fixed and I have returned to this local grocery only to exit and find yet another shopping cart in front of my car waiting to be hit. So I am appealing to all shoppers, please respect the carts and place them back in a safe, cart return area. Do this for the cart and do this for your fellow shoppers.

Autumn

Something amazing has happened over the weekend...autumn has arrived. One of my most favorite seasons to be lazy and enjoy what Mother Nature brings. The leaves will start changing color soon, the smell of leaves burning will be in the air and the weather will finally be cooler. It also marks the beginning of football season. I am not a football fan and really could do without the sport completely, but being married to a huge football fan inspires me to try and pay attention. I watch the Buckeyes play football because it seems to be a requirement around here. This year we are blessed to have the NFL package so we will literally get to watch all the football games...I forsee many Sundays spent at Easton. There will probably be some martinis in those trips.

Back to autumn, the smell in the air, the coolness in the air, the rainy days. All reasons to be lazy and non-productive. The kids going back to school, geese migrating, wearing my favorite jeans again....I love autumn. Finally we will have a month without the air conditioner running constantly and hopefully we won't need to turn on the heat. Of course I realize if autumn is here then winter is around the corner, but once winter is here then spring is around the corner. If we didn't have winter we wouldn't appreciate the other seasons.

The weekend

This had been a rough weekend, but not for reasons I can control (that took a lot to type). The last shift I worked was a rough shift; too many patients, not enough beds or nurses. We had one bed available and I told the on-call doctor to pick which patient was going to be admitted to that precious bed. He chose wisely. I admitted this patient in the middle of the night, from all appearances this was a very healthy person. The CT scan never lies and in fact this was a very unhealthy person who would die approximately 24 hours after first lying in our bed. I did not see this patient die, but was told about it the next day (as I was walking through the Kroger...not a good place to receive bad news). The impact this patient had on me after only 4 hours is unexplainable. People die on my unit all the time. There is always a tragic story which I can usually ignore but why not this one? I have thought about this all weekend...about the family planning a funeral, the impact on the rest of their lives. I was planning dinner while they were writing the obituary.

I have been told that I choose to live my life closing off my emotions, maintaining a "safe" distance from everyone. That I live my life closed off from people who want to know me and understand me, I disagree. Imagine spending 36 hours (or more) every week with people whose lives have drastically changed and not usually for the better. Imagine you have to explain to these people why they can't talk, can't move their arm, or worse is explaining to the family why the patient will never wake up. The mother who wants desperately to hear her daughter's voice and see the recognition in her eyes that will never come. Imagine going through for just one second. After that, judge me all you want.

I chose nursing and I love nursing but that doesn't make my job easy or glamorous. I am not the bawling emotional type of person nor do I like to be around that person. I prefer to use the term 'burnout' and take a break. Somehow I don't think the last 4 days is enough.