The hospital...according to a nurse.

When you think of a hospital you mostly think of patients and the people who take care of them. What's missing is a large component....the family members of the people. Now I work on a unit that specializes in injury to brain tissue or the spinal cord so I expect a certain amount of neurotic or unpredictable behavior from the patients and I have even come to enjoy that part of my job. What continues to amaze me is when family members are even crazier and this seems to go in waves. I have always thought about writing a book to help people know what to expect when they are in the hospital; instead, I am going to give some advice for how NOT to act. Again, this is geared towards my unit (critical care) and is only my opinion.

1. When your loved one is in the hospital you are a guest. You are not a doctor, lawyer, engineer, nurse, congressman.....you are a guest. I don't care to hear about you sister's brother-in-law who is a malpractice attorney nor do I care to take advice from a podiatrist. You will not intimidate me with your fancy title nor will you telling me in any way influence the care I give to your loved one; it will only annoy me.

2. The more you annoy me the less time I will spend with the patient. I will in no way impair the care I give to your loved one nor will they suffer for your behavior, however, I will not look for any little excuse to go in the room if you are there. If I need to, I will ask you to leave more often and will not hesitate to call security if there is a problem.

3. Cell phones are great inventions and I have no problem with family members or patients using them...in moderation. Do not try to carry on a conversation with me and someone else at the same time. Also, do not pace the halls talking on your cell phone. If you do carry a cell phone I do not expect to have any of your family members call me at the nurse's station for any update, that's what your job is. The walkie-talkie feature is not appropriate in a hospital setting.

4. I will take one call from one family member. I will not take calls from "friends" "neighbors" or "almost like a child" people. All you do is pull me away from the bedside of your loved one. Please don't threaten me when I do not give information; the federal government, in all their wisdom, has determined that I cannot give medical information over the phone. If you feel the need to threaten me please know I will hang up.

5. The doctors are a mystery to us as well. We don't know when they are going to round, who they are going to talk to, what they are going to order or when the patient is going home. You can demand to see a doctor all you want and all I can do is call and see when they will be around. I have no control over them or their schedules. You may feel like they are avoiding you...I feel the same way. Once again, threatening me at this point is useless and will not get a doctor up to see you, it will only anger me... see topic 2.

6. Following me around the unit to ask questions is not acceptable. Unfortunately there are many sick patients, all of whom require the same attention as your loved one. Pulling me out of a room to ask for a blanket is not okay with me. If you continue to do this we will have to have a talk about boundaries which I probably don't have time for. I am happy to answer all your questions when I am in your room but please know that I do not have all the answers.

7. I have no control over the ancillary departments in the hospital. If the cafeteria wants to give you wheat toast instead of white it is not my fault...go ahead and sue us. I don't control the people who schedule MRIs nor do I control when phlebotomy comes to draw labs. You can yell at me and I still won't control the ancillary departments. I think their purpose is to make my job harder sometimes but in the end we get everything done so sit quietly and be patient. The louder you are the more annoyed I get.

8. Do not come and tell me every time the bedside heart monitor beeps. I know what is going on...I am a trained professional. Everything in that room is rigged so I will know if your loved one farts so please don't feel the need to give me updates every 5 minutes. Trust me to do my job.

9. There is one main reason people come to the hospital........to receive nursing care. Be nice to the nurses and they will be nice back. We put up with a lot of power struggles and politics so when we reach our breaking point look out. Chocolate is always appreciated as well as doughnuts...preferably Tim Hortons.